it's a funny story

i am trying again today i have a suspicion that the ritalin makes me use up all my meness in the time that it is active rather than scattering me throughout the day a pile of leaves as opposed to a swirling leaf storm that leaves (😆) the rest of space empty i end up exhausted by 4pm and needing a long sleep after a few days of it am i imagining that?  

 today T2 and i took a day off what has the world come to when a rest day is the day you don't take drugs the ritalin certainly does help create a lazer-like mental focus and presence accompanied by a strange calm  but i find it quite exhausting - the retreat into the fuzzy gentle chaos of my head was a welcome reprieve T2 wanted to be able to go out tonight without the inevitable post-meds crash i sent a request for feedback to her teachers - it was a unanimous response that my child seemed less aggressive, less frustrated and in one case even cracked a smile T1 went to see her psychiatrist on... hmmm... a day that wasn't today... she has chosen not to take any medication and has asked me to not inform anyone of her dual diagnosis - if she wants them to know she will tell them (stupid effin' boundaries) Photo by Roberto Salinas on Unsplash

 today is wednesday i took the ritalin prescribed to me for the first time last Thursday at 8am it made my jaw go clenchy and made me very thirsty it made the inside of my head feel like elsa's palace so clean and quiet i was exhausted by 3pm i woke up on friday with what felt like lockjaw i took it again yesterday, again at 8am i had a meeting and struggled to get used to the sharp relief of the people I was speaking to i kept wondering if i was acting weird i was late for therapy because i got so into the conversation and time did that time jump thing it does today i took it at 4 pm because the morning was filled with domestic errands and wanted to focus on work in the afternoon i spent three hours cleaning out my almost full google storage space and emails - i got my inbox down from over 12 000 to just over 1 000 i did not get to the marking is this how neurotypicals feel all the time? it's no wonder they rule the world